Monthly Archives: February 2012

The Working Mum

Today at work I was informed that I would no longer be entitled to a car parking space. I fought for one 2 years ago after a knee condition was making my journey to work on public transport too difficult. I then went on maternity leave and had to fight again to get another space. it’s worked well on the 2 days I have to drop off and pick up my 2 children too.

If I have to go back to public transport it means a walk, a trip on a crowded bus, a train ride and a walk. On nursery days it’s even trickier and a lot tighter to get to the nursery before 6pm. As part of my condition I also suffer from fatigue so the worry and stress, extra walking and dashing about is not going to bode well for me.

I really don’t know what to do. Fight again and annoy everyone by banging on about my needs, move the kids to a nursery that will enable me to walk them home after I get off the bus and train or find another job. Really at a loss to know what to do.

Being a working parent is such a juggling act and no easy feat. If I could be a SAHM I would but we really can’t afford it. Every time things start working out for us, life throws us a curve ball.

Forty and Fertile

I used to be infertile. well I thought I was, it turned out I wasn’t but after years of trying for a baby we went through 2 years of various fertility treatments through the NHS and then privately. We were very lucky, our first IVF attempt we got pregnant and our daughter was born 9 months later. we then kept trying. we got pregnant naturally in that first year which ended with a very dramatic miscarriage at 12 weeks. I didn’t give up hope and our son was born when my daughter was 3.

why am I mentioning all of this? Because getting pregnant isn’t an easy task for us. We thought, for many years, we would be childless or possibly adopt, but to be here now with two beautiful healthy children, we feel truly blessed. However I can’t shake this feeling, this need to have another child. Whether it stems from my own background of growing up initially in a family of 5, and at the age of 12, losing a brother and being in a family of 4. Maybe it’s the fact that a few years ago I fell out with my only sibling. We talk now, but I can never forget what happened. I don’t have any parents to talk to (mum is no longer alive and dad is disabled and can’t talk) so I felt very lonely with no other family members to talk to. I want to give my children choice of who they talk to, who they get on with. More children can share the burden of elderly parents ( which home to put them in) and selfishly, I can hope one of them will visit me at Christmas.

Of course, the real biggie, the proper selfish bit, is wanting another baby. Another amazing little miracle that is a part of me. We don’t earn much money though, can we afford the childcare or even the maternity leave? At 40 I’m a bigger risk for complications, baby and me.

Lots to think about. I don’t think the discussions have finished, but due to my age, I must make a decision soon.

The Birthday Party

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I had to have the party. it was a big birthday, but given the choice again, I don’t think I would opt for a party again. It’s a shame really because I really did have a good time. I laughed a lot, drank a lot, chatted a lot and (bizarrely) danced a lot, even though it was a pub. the biggest problem was the huge amount of drop out that happened very last minute. There were the ones I knew wouldn’t come, despite their insistence and then the complete surprises who had good reasons but the bad luck of it, all at the same time. I was truly gutted. 4 days before my party I had 45 rsvps, but an hour beforehand (where I got two cancellations whilst waiting for the cab) it was down to 25. Chatting to a few people at the party I soon discovered it isnt an unusual situation. One friend said his wife had convinced him to have a 40th but he had so many cancellations at the last minute he had a venue for 50 but only 15 there. He also had a minimum bar bill that needed to be paid, so the 15 of them made the most of it and tucked in.
Since my party I have had similar conversations with many people about 40th birthday parties. In your 30’s people are all a bit more free and easy. I remember stressing at the bar on my 30th but everyone turned up eventually.
So I am disappointed at the turnout, at the feeling of being unpopular, but I know that isn’t what happened and despite it, I really enjoyed my party. So there!!

Parties and the RSVP

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In two days I will be having my 40th birthday party in a nearby pub in London. I had a really big think about what I wanted to do. I wasn’t raised in the UK so I don’t have hundreds of school friends dotted around. However I’ve got a few work colleagues, ex work colleagues, friends from my year in drama school and friends I’ve made with or through my husband. So I wasn’t after anything massive and I knew I wanted to mark the occasion. Having seen hubby get a bit stressed with numbers at his a few years earlier, I didn’t want to count my chickens and assume I’d have a big turn out. I scrapped the dinner party idea, not enough people, not enough of a fuss. I also didn’t want to have a party at home as it seemed too much hassle and I get worried about noise. So using a pub seemed a good idea. The one i thought of had a function room but it was booked so I’ve managed to get an area downstairs that will suit me just fine.

I used Facebook to send the invite. Admittedly that is a less formal way to invite people. I chose it for two reasons: Firstly that it meant everyone would get an email notification and I wasn’t scrapping about for up to date emails. Secondly, and I can see the irony here, it felt like I was a bit more casual, less stressed “well if you’re around I’d love to see you. Pop in” feel to it. It was supposed to make me feel better when people couldn’t come. However, it hasn’t. Firstly I AM annoyed people can’t come, the biggest social event of 2012 (well, in my social calendar). Secondly I had to chase people and STILL they haven’t come back to me. Cheeky beggars.

I Shouldn’t complain. I think I have 40 coming, but I’m anticipating a 10 person drop off last minute (kids, illness, bollocks…) but Hey, even I’ve done that. I can’t blame em.

So I was wondering if you always RSVP. Or do you treat a Facebook invite in the same casual way the host does?