It’s not a great photo, but I think it demonstrates my issue well. Obviously my top was pulled down and ruffled up as a disguise whilst at work, but I can barely contain my shock when I see that little bulge there mid- afternoon (pulling on the zip like that). I remember my mum, other mums and the general old women population sauntering around in their high-waisted “slacks”, blouse tucked in, tan belt and that weird bulgy thing happening just below the waistband. It seems it’s happening to me now. I really don’t know what to do. I’m a size 10 (ok, some things might be a little tight these days – but mostly 10) and I don’t eat a tonne of food. Admittedly I’m 40, I’m a twice C-section receiver and I have no time to exercise regularly (I do yoga once a week). First thing in the morning, it’s lovely and flat, what the hell happens? Would exercise and tummy exercises help? *sobs and heads to fridge for comfort food*.
Things haven’t been great for a little while but I think we are quite disappointed in ourselves that this is the case. I think we were a little naive to think that having 2 kids wasn’t going to have a massive impact on us, but it has surprised us just how much.
I’m argumentative anyway. I’m no martyr and if something upsets me or annoys me, I just come out and say it. The upside is that my husband doesn’t have to do any guesswork about how I’m feeling and I don’t get any seething rage, bubbling away for days on end. The downside is that when we come up against issues like a teething 15 month old and a 4-year-old that cries at the drop of a hat in amongst the usual challenges of home, I have to say something – a little dig, a moan or a sarcastic comment, but I’m doing it every 20 minutes. It’s not all me, though. He’s doing exactly the same. Put on top of that two people who are always (and have always been) hyper sensitive and you’ve got a real recipe for disaster.
So we argued a lot on Friday. Poor old 4-year-old is so used to it now, she took herself off to the lounge room with the iPad to get out of the way. I’m not proud of arguing in front of her and we usually nip most arguments in the bud before they escalate to a level we think is inappropriate to do around her. I do think it’s important she witnesses arguments (hubby’s parents rarely argued and he used to freak out a bit when we did, bit like Chandler from Friends), just wish they were a bit more infrequent. On Saturday he was out for the day and that helped a lot. Sunday we had visitors and were much more tolerant of each other.
I believe it’s just the age the kids are that is making life difficult for us. Both are demanding our attention, we get no time to ourselves and lots of tasks, errands and jobs are not done as a result. With each new phase with the children, we have to learn a load of stuff all over again and that puts a strain on our relationship. That’s what I’m hoping for anyway. We are pretty open with each other and I just see this as one of those bumpy roads for now. I’m not sure he sees it the same (re: my comment about Chandler) and I imagine he has safely pocketed “Relates” number and will be discussing it at some point soon.
Where do we go from here. I’m not entirely sure. I think just for the time being I need to put one foot in front of the other and relish those moments we do get a chance to giggle or chat or complete a house task. I know I need to be a little more of a martyr. I need to stop criticising everything (it may be true, but it doesn’t do us any good) and I think I may secretly note down all the things he does in this house so I can refer to it when I’m in a bit of a “Why do I have do everything!!!” ranty kind of mood. Maintaining a relationship with the demands of small children may be a walk in the park for some, but clearly it is something we need to work on.
Errrr, actually forget that, because I have lady lumps where they are not supposed to be and none where they should be. Let me paint you a picture: (and don’t log off at this description. It was hell. And even if it’s not hell now, that body has long since left).
In High School I was often called “The Anorexic” or “The Ethiopian”. – lovely huh? Kids are so kind. So, yeah, I was reeeally skinny, an incredibly fast metabolism. The downside was that in the 80’s being skinny wasn’t seen as the holy grail, you had to be just right and to top it all off I was incredibly flat chested (still am).
So fast forward 25 years and I’m here in my 40th year, still with no lady’s lumps up top but, partly due to having 2 children and my age, quite a lot of lumps in my upper thighs, bottom, waist (if you can call it that), in fact those three areas have kind of merged.
I mention this because I recently had to attend a party and I had purposely ignored its impending arrival because I had no idea what to wear. I don’t go out very much so I don’t buy clothes FOR going out because they’d just sit in my wardrobe. I used to care about what I wore, I’d spend weeks planning an outfit for a big night out, but I’m so disappointed with the final product these days my enthusiasm has waned (along with the space for thinking which is now focused on other things, like working out how I keep a 15mth old entertained when it rains, or how to fit in a toy box in a small bedroom).
I’ve now going all Gok Wan on myself, trying to cinch in the non existent waist. I’m sticking an elasticated 2 buckle belt on every outfit in the hope of getting some shape. No amount of belting will bring back my pert bum though.
In the end, I did cobble something together. A dress I hadn’t worn since my sister’s hen party 4 years ago (which I’d bought to hide said new lumps but realised I looked hideous in all the photos)’ cinched in with my Gok Wanish belt. I had some Bridget jones “suck in knickers” on and support tights over that. the dress was too short, but the pattern on it was lovely and the belt helped a lot to my shape. Needless to say, the joy at removing these layers at the end of the night only compares to finally having a wee after hours of bursting to go.
I really need to shop for a smart going out dress rather than leaving it to the last minute. So once I’ve bought some new work tops, that’s next on my agenda.
As for the lady lumps. I guess I’ll just have to live with them. Be more careful in my purchasing and accept them for what they are – the shape of my life. I can’t turn back time and a definitely wouldn’t change having children so embracing them seems my only option. What do you do?