I used to be infertile. well I thought I was, it turned out I wasn’t but after years of trying for a baby we went through 2 years of various fertility treatments through the NHS and then privately. We were very lucky, our first IVF attempt we got pregnant and our daughter was born 9 months later. we then kept trying. we got pregnant naturally in that first year which ended with a very dramatic miscarriage at 12 weeks. I didn’t give up hope and our son was born when my daughter was 3.
why am I mentioning all of this? Because getting pregnant isn’t an easy task for us. We thought, for many years, we would be childless or possibly adopt, but to be here now with two beautiful healthy children, we feel truly blessed. However I can’t shake this feeling, this need to have another child. Whether it stems from my own background of growing up initially in a family of 5, and at the age of 12, losing a brother and being in a family of 4. Maybe it’s the fact that a few years ago I fell out with my only sibling. We talk now, but I can never forget what happened. I don’t have any parents to talk to (mum is no longer alive and dad is disabled and can’t talk) so I felt very lonely with no other family members to talk to. I want to give my children choice of who they talk to, who they get on with. More children can share the burden of elderly parents ( which home to put them in) and selfishly, I can hope one of them will visit me at Christmas.
Of course, the real biggie, the proper selfish bit, is wanting another baby. Another amazing little miracle that is a part of me. We don’t earn much money though, can we afford the childcare or even the maternity leave? At 40 I’m a bigger risk for complications, baby and me.
Lots to think about. I don’t think the discussions have finished, but due to my age, I must make a decision soon.