Thank you for your recent enquiry, delivered to me on a cool, bright morning, on the kerb of your local park.
I appreciate that you are doing your “public service”, in fact you felt it necessary to mention it 3 times to me during our short conversation, but I’m not sure that harrassing a woman on the pavement IS in fact a public service.
You see, although you kept banging on about your friggin “Public Service” and asking me whether I was coming back to my car “shortly”, I did understand your bloody subtext. Basically you wanted to say, “if you don’t live here, you shouldn’t be parking on our road.” You see, I’m pretty clever like that. I know what you really mean.
The problem is, my dear, (you don’t mind if I call you dear, do you? Because if I don’t write that, I may well write a different word, a naughty word and as you are elderly, that wouldn’t be very polite would it?) this isn’t YOUR road. It’s a public road and I’m well within my rights to park here.
To be honest I’m pretty sick to the back teeth of you and the other residents deciding to “pop on over” to have a chat with me. Given the choice I wouldn’t be parking there at all but my company no longer deems providing parking spaces for their employees a good idea and in order to get to work from my house I would have to catch a bus and 2 trains or walk and then 2 trains. It not only takes longer, is more prone to delay and is physically painful for me (see below) it also costs alot of money. In order to pick up my children I need the car, so until you sort things out with my employer, I’m parking here, love, whether you like it or not.
Now obviously, due to resident parking permits creeping further and further out of town, I park so far away from my place of work I then have to unfold a Brompton Bike and ride in. THIS actually helps my knee condition (Ankylosing Spondylitis), because I’m excercising and stretching my legs without it being weight bearing. All told, it’s actually a good solution for someone with my condition as I can’t stand for very long (as I would on the bus and sometimes on the train) and even when sitting I can’t stretch my legs out in front of me on a crowded train.
However, I have to do it come rain or shine and sometimes, frankly, I really wish I didn’t have to. So after a car journey in and then the unfurling of the bike and layering of high vis jackets, bicycle clips and a helmet, the last bloody thing I need is to be given the 20 questions by an old busy body like you. Given the choice I wouldn’t be here, but otherwise I would have no choice but to leave my job.
I live near a row of shops and a short distance from a train station (not one I can use) and often can’t park outside my house. You know, this happens IN LONDON, get over it! I’m not even parked in front of a house, having purposely parked further away, alongside a park, because of the last bloody resident who harrassed me outside her house. I just know you’re picking on me because I look like an easy target. I bet you aren’t clamouring to get out your front door when the blokes pull up in front and park up. The houses opposite where I park all have driveways too. What the hell is your problem.
I’d always promised that if asked if I’m staying all day, I’d lie, just to end the conversation. Of course I hadn’t counted on you piping up with “oh, I thought I’d seen you before”. Bloody hell woman, are you doing surveillance? Have you got a notebook marked up with all the people who park nearby. Get a grip!
Next time you wander up, I’m ignoring you. I’m going to pretend I’m deaf. If you persist, I’m going to say “Talk to the council. Leave me alone”. I really can’t be doing with it. If you don’t want people parking on your road, pay your council for permits, but BLOODY WELL LEAVE ME ALONE!
Yours with no regards