Tag Archives: Arguments

The Great Balsamic Glaze Argument of 2014

FFF (me): So this is what Balsamic Glaze is” *Shows Mr40 the balsamic glaze I bought in Tesco that’s in the fridge door*

Mr40: I know what Balsamic Glaze is. I’m not stupid.

FFF: I didn’t realise because you bought this *picks up balsamic dressing*

Mr40: Yes I know *getting angry* but Sainsbury’s don’t sell Balsamic Glaze.

FFF: Well they do…Tesco have about 5 different sorts so I imagine Sainsbury’s have a big selection too.

Mr40: Look I looked for Balsamic Glaze. They don’t sell it. I got you the next best thing.

FFF: Yes, and it’s lovely and I’ve used it, but I just thought I’d show you what it looked like so you know next time…..

Mr40: I KNOW WHAT BALSAMIC GLAZE IS.  *starts looking more in the fridge* I think I did actually buy some.

FFF: The old Balsamic glaze was 3 years old I’ve chucked it.

Mr40: NO I BOUGHT SOME. I THOUGHT I DID. Anyway, I couldn’t find any (!) so I got that one.

FFF: (backing off).Ok.  *Sits down to eat half a pizza and some salad. With Balsamic Glaze*

Mr40: Well, What do you think I do at the supermarket.  Eh? Eh?

FFF: *Sits in silence*.

We did discuss it again.  He came back from his storming upstairs to ask why I thought he was stupid.  I got the dressing out the fridge again and started talking and he cut me off (again).  I did eventually say:

FFF: When you bought this dressing, you didn’t say anything about it *Mr40 attempts to interuppt again* so there was a chance you either just couldn’t find it OR that you didn’t know what Balsamic Glaze was.  I just thought I’d show you.

Mr40: *silence*

FFF: I wasn’t expecting the bloody great balsamic Glaze argument of 2014.

The offending bottle of Balsamic Glaze

The offending bottle of Balsamic Glaze

11th Anniversary and it’s all change

Yesterday hubby and I celebrated 11 years of marriage.  We had a great day, but just stayed home as we hadn’t had a weekend in the new house.  We also had surprise visitors who were nearby and it was just a really nice day. We finished off by enjoying a fire in the stainless steel firepit I’d bought for him.

firepit

11 years is a big deal.  The more time I’m married the more I realise what a BIG deal these anniversaries really are.

What got me thinking about that was because it was only 2 days previously that we’d had a big blow up argument…..in front of our children.  One of those awful moments that you watch unfold but you have to commit to, even though part of you is shouting at you to give in and walk away.

It’s not as if we hadn’t argued for a while either.  We had a humdinger of one heading from the airport in Spain to the holiday villa.

There is no doubt things have to change.  I can’t control him, but I can control myself.

I feel I bite my tongue a bit.  Perhaps I need to bite my tongue more often.

Perhaps I just need to remind myself that we are a team and as long as I love him (and I do) I have to think more about the greater good (within reason) and learn to cope with what I deem are his inadequacies.

Time to take stock and work out whether I want to be right all the time or whether I want a happy home life.

I think I know the answer.

 

The Fight

It’s always nicer when it isn’t you.

There you are.  Enjoying a meal out with friends in a restaurant with kids, in a foreign land and then the atmosphere changes.argue

You can’t quite put your finger on it, but things become chilly.  The wife gets up after her meal and pretends to be busying herself with the kids larking about on the beach.  The husband busied himself clearing his plate and that of his daughters, head down, not speaking.

This is what happened to us, one day on holiday. Then it was time to go home.  A relaxing wander down the boulevard from the beach to the rides, the “bouncy thing” the two girls are desperate to have a go on.  We headed off to our car to dump an excess bag, they wandered to theirs with our daughter and theirs to do the same.

We crossed the road with The Monster to meet them, but they seemed to be spending an awful lot of time at their car.  So we headed into the little fair ground, found out the cost of the Bungee Trampoline and purchased the tickets for the girls in readiness.

Then we waited. Waited some more.

Eventually I left hubby behind with The Monster and wandered down the road to find out what the hold up was.  The girls were leaning against the wire fence holding hands with very worried faces and my friend took one of their hands and walked them towards me, wiping a tear from her eye as she did so.

Clearly her and her husband were having a rip-roaring argument.

We’ve all been there.  You can never pick the right moment to finally kick off. It had been brewing all day (or so my husband said) and I think a criticism of a parenting manoeuvre had been the last straw.  The husband is very hot-headed, so he got pretty angry.  My daughter and their daughter looked quite alarmed.  It’s never nice to see a big argument.

My friend looked up at me (she’s shorter) with a look of apology and asked me to take the girls for me at which point she walked back to the car, had a few more (unheard) words with her husband and stalked off in the other direction, shortly followed by him.

Neither of these two are drama queens. They don’t argue for a bit of excitement.  This was a big deal.

So we took the girls in. I reassured both of them that it was completely normal.  Made a joke to Pickle about how me and her daddy do that sometimes and tried to diffuse the situation.  They soon forgot all about it as they leapt in the air on the bungee trampoline and hubby and I did a little post-mortem on what we’d seen.  We’ve not been having the best time, ourselves.  Lots of argument in the last 6 months, but I’ve not been too concerned about it. Raising young children is a mighty task, especially as we share the childcare and both work as well.  How anyone escapes divorce will always be one of life’s great mysteries to me.  I spend far too much time angry at my husband for not swilling a breakfast bowl.

Anyway, I digress.  We did a post-mortem, because let’s be honest, it’s always nice when it’s not you.

We didn’t know how long these two would be off up the road “having it out” so once the bouncing was over, we paid for all 3 kids to go on a roundabout as well.

Eventually after 2 rides, we saw them walking back alongside the fair ground, so we took everyone back to their car.  Immediately their daughter said she wanted to come in our car, bless her.  Pickle looked alarmed again.  I told both girls that everything was fine and brushed it off. Both girls went in their car, we followed in our’s with The Monster.

As we climbed the steps to the front door the husband turned to me and said he was very sorry about having such a public argument. He felt awful the girls had witnessed it as well. I told him, with a laugh, that I thought it was good for Pickle to see other couples argue.  At least she doesn’t think it’s just her parents.  He smiled.  He added he thought it was important that they had come back with them because then both girls could see that he and his wife had made up, had reconciled their differences and I agreed.

Still.  Nice when it isn’t you, hey?

The arguments (and the not talking) – where to go from here.

Things haven’t been great for a little while but I think we are quite disappointed in ourselves that this is the case.  I think we were a little naive to think that having 2 kids wasn’t going to have a massive impact on us, but it has surprised us just how much.

I’m argumentative anyway. I’m no martyr and if something upsets me or annoys me, I just come out and say it.  The upside is that my husband doesn’t have to do any guesswork about how I’m feeling and I don’t get any seething rage, bubbling away for days on end.  The downside is that when we come up against issues like a teething 15 month old and a 4-year-old that cries at the drop of a hat in amongst the usual challenges of home, I have to say something – a little dig, a moan or a sarcastic comment, but I’m doing it every 20 minutes.  It’s not all me, though. He’s doing exactly the same.  Put on top of that two people who are always (and have always been) hyper sensitive and you’ve got a real recipe for disaster.

So we argued a lot on Friday. Poor old 4-year-old is so used to it now, she took herself off to the lounge room with the iPad to get out of the way.  I’m not proud of arguing in front of her and we usually nip most arguments in the bud before they escalate to a level we think is inappropriate to do around her.  I do think it’s important she witnesses arguments (hubby’s parents rarely argued and he used to freak out a bit when we did, bit like Chandler from Friends), just wish they were a bit more infrequent.  On Saturday he was out for the day and that helped a lot.  Sunday we had visitors and were much more tolerant of each other.

I believe it’s just the age the kids are that is making life difficult for us.  Both are demanding our attention, we get no time to ourselves and lots of tasks, errands and jobs are not done as a result.  With each new phase with the children, we have to learn a load of stuff all over again and that puts a strain on our relationship.  That’s what I’m hoping for anyway.  We are pretty open with each other and I just see this as one of those bumpy roads for now.  I’m not sure he sees it the same (re: my comment about Chandler) and I imagine he has safely pocketed “Relates” number and will be discussing it at some point soon. :)

Where do we go from here.  I’m not entirely sure.  I think just for the time being I need to put one foot in front of the other and relish those moments we do get a chance to giggle or chat or complete a house task.  I know I need to be a little more of a martyr.  I need to stop criticising everything (it may be true, but it doesn’t do us any good) and I think I may secretly note down all the things he does in this house so I can refer to it when I’m in a bit of a “Why do I have do everything!!!” ranty kind of mood.  Maintaining a relationship with the demands of small children may be a walk in the park for some, but clearly it is something we need to work on.