Tag Archives: Being 40

First kiss, First Love, First sex

I was having a chat on Twitter with Post-40Bloggers about firsts yesterday.

Who can remember their first kiss, first love, first sex?

If there is one thing I will tell my daughter and son as they grow up is that you think firsts won’t matter that much but you will be asked the question a zillion times in your lifetime so make sure it’s a story you want to talk about.  One that doesn’t make you look like a complete plonker.

I hate firsts.  To be honest, I hate seconds and thirds.  I’m at my happiest on about 10ths. I’m more secure, less paranoid, know the lay of the land (so to speak).  I guess it won’t surprise you I’m not a big fan of the unknown and unfortunately “firsts” fall into that category.  Serial shaggers or people who hop from one relationship to the next for the buzz of “firsts” are like aliens to me.  I’m waaaay on the other side of the fence.

First kiss?  Sadly it was with a complete stranger and coincided with my first bit of alcohol at the age of 17.  (yes…..I was a late bloomer).  I’d drunk one can (!)of vodka and passiona and I was OFF MY HEAD.  I remember it being quite nice.  To be honest, it would never have happened for years had alcohol not been involved.  Far too shy.

First sex and first love coincided.  Although not in the lovely sweet way you could imagine.  My parents were away in the UK and I was in Oz in the family home with my sister.  I was 18 and a half and I “picked up” a guy in a nightclub.  My friend and I knew his mate from school so all four of us drove back to mine.  It was the weirdest thing in the world that at that precise moment, after waiting over 18 years (and being the last of my mates to lose my virginity) it was absolutely the right thing to do.  Even though it was with some bloke I’d only just met.  I’m not embarrassed by this story.  I think my age sort of cancels out the casual element of it (well I think it does).  Anyway, it was naturally awkward.  I wasn’t drunk although I’d had a couple and I think I just wanted to get it over with.

He ended up shagging another of my mates whilst I was dallying with an old flame the following week (and yes, I slept with the old flame —– “Don’t stop me now, I’m having such a good time”……….) and then somehow we hooked up and started seeing each other. I was engaged by 19.  Was with him for about 3 years in all.

I got engaged because I was in love.  Truth be told I was in love with the idea of being in love.  I felt so grown up.  Like that was what being a grown up was all about. Playing at grown up.  Absolutely ridiculous.  The guy was abusive and for about 2 years a raving alcoholic.  I have no idea what I was thinking.  I didn’t do too well on number 2 either. Thank goodness Mr40 showed up as Number 3.

With Mr40 I did like the first kiss in a park in London, but I preferred the 10th.  The same with all my firsts with him.

If I ever find myself unfortunately in the position of finding love and doing all those firsts again………can I just skip to the 10th please?

1st

The Great Balsamic Glaze Argument of 2014

FFF (me): So this is what Balsamic Glaze is” *Shows Mr40 the balsamic glaze I bought in Tesco that’s in the fridge door*

Mr40: I know what Balsamic Glaze is. I’m not stupid.

FFF: I didn’t realise because you bought this *picks up balsamic dressing*

Mr40: Yes I know *getting angry* but Sainsbury’s don’t sell Balsamic Glaze.

FFF: Well they do…Tesco have about 5 different sorts so I imagine Sainsbury’s have a big selection too.

Mr40: Look I looked for Balsamic Glaze. They don’t sell it. I got you the next best thing.

FFF: Yes, and it’s lovely and I’ve used it, but I just thought I’d show you what it looked like so you know next time…..

Mr40: I KNOW WHAT BALSAMIC GLAZE IS.  *starts looking more in the fridge* I think I did actually buy some.

FFF: The old Balsamic glaze was 3 years old I’ve chucked it.

Mr40: NO I BOUGHT SOME. I THOUGHT I DID. Anyway, I couldn’t find any (!) so I got that one.

FFF: (backing off).Ok.  *Sits down to eat half a pizza and some salad. With Balsamic Glaze*

Mr40: Well, What do you think I do at the supermarket.  Eh? Eh?

FFF: *Sits in silence*.

We did discuss it again.  He came back from his storming upstairs to ask why I thought he was stupid.  I got the dressing out the fridge again and started talking and he cut me off (again).  I did eventually say:

FFF: When you bought this dressing, you didn’t say anything about it *Mr40 attempts to interuppt again* so there was a chance you either just couldn’t find it OR that you didn’t know what Balsamic Glaze was.  I just thought I’d show you.

Mr40: *silence*

FFF: I wasn’t expecting the bloody great balsamic Glaze argument of 2014.

The offending bottle of Balsamic Glaze

The offending bottle of Balsamic Glaze

What a 40 year old Can Teach a Teenager

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I’m anticipating my conversations with my daughter in a few years time.  You know the ones. The ones where my teenager thinks she knows everything and I’m such an old fuddy duddy (she won’t use that word) that I couldn’t possibly understand what it’s like for her.  I couldn’t possible “get” what her and her friends are going through.

So I’ve been working on a list (as you do) that I will happily share with her when the time comes.  Let me know what I’ve missed out.

RELATIONSHIPS

Since the beginning of time, these have not changed. The mode by which they can be conducted may have, but on the whole “Ugg” and “Uhhh” were dealing with jealousy, fear, committment, lack of attention and arguments back when a relationship could break down over Ugg’s inability to fix the pounding stone securely to the cave floor.

I have “been around the block”. I’ve even gone around again, got the t-shirt, washed the t-shirt, lost the t-shirt, demanded the t-shirt back and cut the t-shirt up into pieces.  I HAVE HAD RELATIONSHIPS, with all sorts of blokes. That’s experience for you.  On top of that, I have had more friends than you, people who have also had relationships, of which I have helped, listened to and sympathised over.  Whilst you have 3 friends from primary school and about 5 friends in high school, I’ve accumulated far more experience of other people’s relationships since then. 8 from school,  plus around 10 from every place I’ve ever worked at (nearing 100), plus friends I made through relationships who may have come and gone, but I was there through tough times.  Let’s round that up to about 200.  I’d say I’ve got an experience I can relate to in ANY circumstance, wouldn’t you?  As I said – “I do understand”.  Relationships are complicated.

DRUGS

There are many of us “oldies” who probably know a lot more than we really want to let on.  There are few drugs (some of the harder ones) I haven’t tried.  I know what peer pressure feels like, I know about the tussle between head and heart.  I know the decision to leap into the abyss even though every bone in your body is telling you to not risk it.  I did it for a number of years and when that decision became more of an ordeal than the experience, I stopped.

Having said all that. I did have an awful lot of fun.  Thankfully with the right tune on I can get “total recall” without the drugs.  To be honest, nothing beats a good disco nap before a night out, a few drinks and dancing.  Even then, it felt like I big fat lie.  Fabricated fun. Tricking the brain.

At any rate, feel free to ask me about E, LSD, coke, speed and marijuana.  Making the decision to take any of those will have a big impact on your life.  Short term it can be devastating.  I was lucky. I also know that it’s not as simple as that and I can’t pretend you won’t get the opportunity.

I know I don’t take anything stronger than a horlicks these days, but trust me, I still remember.

SOCIAL MEDIA

“I don’t know what you are using. I don’t know what you want it to do. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career on social media. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you insist on signing up to the latest social media fad, then fine.  That won’t be the end of it.  I will look for you, I will find you, and I will learn how to use it!”*

FASHION

Instead of rolling your eyes whilst I check out your “oh so not suitable” outfit, just give a second.  I need to take the time to process what the hell you are wearing.  Not necessarily to give you a bollocking or ask you to change, just to …. process it.

You see, I was a teenager once and I wore some pretty odd things.  Well, they weren’t odd to me, just to my parents.  I know it’s more important to wear the right things than wear the clothes that are flattering.  A belt around the middle might balance out an outfit but if belts are not worn by teenagers, well, I get that!

Have a muffin top.  Wear your trousers too short or your top too baggy or shoes that make your feet look 2 sizes too big.  I don’t really care.  Just let me get used to it.

 BEING A TEENAGER

Overall I think I was a pretty good teenager. I didn’t have boyfriends until I was 18. I was shy.  I dabbled in a bit of marijuana (once as a teenager) but I always made it back for my curfew and rarely was out.

Listening to my mum, you’d think I was the most horrible teenager in the world.  I guess it was an attitude thing I wasn’t very aware of at the time. I haven’t forgotten that.  I know we aren’t going to be the best of friends and that everything I say and do will be wrong, but trust in me.  I do remember how nothing else mattered except what I was doing.  I remember not caring how my parents felt. I remember how the smallest incident felt like the most horrendous, world shattering event.  I promise I won’t forget that.  I will always do what I think is right and I will try to explain my decisions with you as best I can.

I will try to share the journey from childhood to adulthood with you as best as I can.  I promise when we get out the other side we will be stronger and closer than every before.

But always remember.  I DO KNOW MORE THAN YOU DO. A 40-year-old can teach a teenager an awful lot.

 

*adapted from a well known movie quote. Gold star if you can guess.